It's ok, some of my best friends know immigrants.

You see an ad for a Chinese restaurant featuring an Asian family eating spring rolls, wontons, rice, etc, no one raises an eye brow, however when an ad for a fried chicken restaurant features black people eating what's on offer it's RACIST AND HORRIBLE AND EVERYONE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES!

If this is what advertisers are after, and I can only assume so from reactions to them, maybe I can help them out:

INT- Fried chicken restaurant.

A clean, well kept restaurant, at the tables are a caucasian family, a Vietnamese family, an Italian family, all enjoying their fried chicken.

Over this scene, there is an all of sudden gun-shot, followed closely by the sound of broken glass.

Cut to- A black man holding a shot gun in front of a broken front door.

Black man: Alright, you honkey gook dago assholes! I want some fucken CHICKENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Or I'ma pop a cap!





Yeah, this is why I don't get paid for my writing.

Mundane can stay where it belongs.

People say "I had such a weird dream last night!" far too often. The vast majority of dreams I have myself and those that others share with me would be considered weird if they actually happened, but in the realm of the subconscious, it's par for the course.

I recently had a dream that I was running away from church conspirators in San Fransisco, something I don't really do in my day to day life, but not too much of a stretch for Bob's dream land.

If I were to have a dream about paying bills or driving to work I would consider that a weird dream. Weirdness in dreams is inversely proportional to that in the real world.


That'll do.

The Lonely Ballad (AKA- I want pussy)

If Spring time is when a man's thoughts turn to love then why is Valentine's Day in Summer (or Winter, for those on the other side of the ball)?

Furthermore, why is there a certain time of year for this? I don't really look at the calendar and think to myself Oh, shit, it's September! I need to fuck! If I'm horny, I'm bloody horny.

I can't say hayfever is much of a turn-on either. Sniffly and blood shot eyes, shit yeah, I'm all on that. Or rather not. Ever.

I had more, but it's gone. Whatever. Ignore sayings and stuff. Fuck when you want to.

The grooves in my cerebral cortex form the words "birth control"

"Well, if you don't like Starbucks' coffee obviously you haven't tried it in the States."

"I have, actually, and it still tastes like shit."


Anyway, as if it's not entirely clear to my readers, with the exception of "The Lost Boys" vampires in movies are whiney little bitches I couldn't care less for. The vampire, in my opinion, is basically moot for anything more than tapping the angst-ridden teenage girl angle.

This in mind I recently noticed something: The Anne Rice "Vampire Chronicles" series was for a semi-previous generation of angst-ridden teenage girls. These girls have now grown up, had kids of their own and now these kids have gotten into "Twilight" as their angst-ridden teenage girl series.

In 20ish years, I plan on writing my own series of vampire books and capitalizing on the third generation of angst-ridden and so-on...

I read bits of one or two of the Rice books and have had a passage of "Twilight" read to me and see creating an emo masterpiece to be in cinemas next season (in 20ish years) is no hard task. I will make a fucking million plus.



I'll get to it later.

Thank you.

Would Mad Magazine call this a "blerg"?

I recently discovered that all I'm anyway halfway decent at writing is this stupid blog, comments on video games and anything involving zombies.

I must embrace this trifecta. This trinity.

I played Left 4 Dead 2 today.

Shit.

The words fly at me faster than I can type, but the vlog is so passe, so the kids that I made up in my mind tell me.



Let's try something else, shall we?
So, a couple have told me that they read this business I lay into the tubes, and one can assume they return for more. Now while I'm trying to keep this free and fun, I'm also down with what the people want. If you read and like, dislike, etc., my blog then by all means, feel free to throw pies full of poo of critique my way. It's how I prefer.

I go hide now.

Did I ever tell you about the time...

Last year the batteries in my wall clock died, preventing it from telling me the time until new ones were put in it. During the period that time had stopped (according to the clock, that is), there were no tidal waves, the seas didn't boil and volcanoes didn't shower the earth's surface with destruction.

Just because the Mayans stopped counting doesn't mean the proverbial is going to hit the fan. Get over it.


Spending your family Christmas party on the couch watching golf is stupid and ignorant. Also it's very rude. My uncle's actions put a large crimp on my day late last year and was the final straw that destroyed any yule cheer I may have still contained. Cutting off an important conversation about something those partaking all care about for a trivia quiz is also quite rude.

Yeah, that'll do.

My social network can beat up your social network.

Does it bother anybody else that pineapple is often abbreviated as "pine" on juices and such (ie: Pine/Passionfruit)? I feel I'm about to drink air freshener. Or tree.

Also, I considered entering the Escapist's webcomic competition but later thought not to, as my previous webcomics lead to laziness and lethargy as well as the fact I really ain't that good at comics. Someone else would no doubt win over me if I did enter and that's not just me being defeatist, I know at least ten people that can and have done better than myself. I reckon I'll just stick to putting stupid drawings up here from time to time.

That's all I had. Don't forget kids, drugs are bad.